If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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