the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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