yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
