If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
