you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
