so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
