apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
