I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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