So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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