Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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