4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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