you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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