literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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