he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
