Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
