I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
