Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
