Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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