I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
