Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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