Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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