you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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