it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My penis needs a shock collar
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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