It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
