Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize