wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
