the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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