You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
