What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
