I think my vagina is haunted
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
