Where did you get a picture of my penis
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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