$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
my poor anus
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
