guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
