Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
