I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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