if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize