dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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