it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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