she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
