we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
