PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
