Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize