No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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