i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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