the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
