guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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