Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
