I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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