Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
