Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
