i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
