there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
