I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Where is the hickey?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize