remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
