The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
