just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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