apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
