i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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