hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
