I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
