I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
