Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize