Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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