I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
