I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
