Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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