He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
