dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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