the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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