I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
