two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
