Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
