New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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