garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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