Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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