I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
