Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
