Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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