He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
