i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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