Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
whose parrot is this?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize