I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
