someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he was CRYING into my vagina
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
