When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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