Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
