fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Randomize