You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
