I CAN MOONWALK!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
