This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
