Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
