3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
