no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
