I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize