Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
