Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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